i let it go. it’s like swimming against the current. it exhausts you. after a while, whoever you are, you just have to let go, and the river brings you home.
pursuing as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
training to be a morning person and world traveler. lover of all things cowboy boots. big glasses of red. skiing. and being on the water. learning to step outside my comfort zone, mountain bike, ski switch and jump off big things (both literally and figuratively). roots from the south with a denver address but the mountains will always be home.
thanks for reading. xo j.j.
Mid-way through a recent group exercise class, the teacher lost me. She didn’t lose me because of some complicated step sequence or insanely long set of burpees; I mentally checked out because of a few words she kept saying over and over. “Come on! Get that body ready for your winter beach vacation! Think about how you want to look at those holiday parties! PICTURE HOW YOU’LL LOOK IN THAT DRESS!”
“THAT DRESS?” My brain couldn’t focus on an image of some random dress hanging in my closet. All I could think about was my three-year-old daughter hearing and trying to process those words.
My daughter’s little brain is making sense of the world every single second, taking in verbal and non-verbal cues about how things work and what things mean. And when it comes to exercise, I want her to grow up seeing it as a joy, and not a utility…as a gift, and not a chore…as an opportunity, not an obligation. I want her to do it for the love of it, not to fit into a dress. I want her to grow up knowing that…
I’ll never talk to my daughter about fitting into THAT DRESS. But I will talk to her about what it sounds like to hear pine needles crunching under my feet and what it feels like to cross a finish line and how special it is to see the world on foot. I will talk to her about hard work and self sufficiency. I will teach her the joy of working out by showing her I love it. And I’ll leave the rest up to her.
story via Wellfesto
I am normally not one to do things during the week, but in the spirit of making time to enjoy the remaining weeks of summer and the culture of the city, I jumped on the opportunity to be E’s date to the Chihuly Exhibit at the Denver Botanical Gardens for a girls night out. Even though it meant passing up the Bronco’s v Seahwaks preseason game. And I am so glad it did.
Thursday is the new Friday at the Gardens with the series Unwind, which celebrates the Gardens in the summer with different themes, wine, barbeque, live music, and admission to the exhibition Chihuly after hours.
Experiencing the exhibit after the sun went down was lovely. The sculptures alone are gorgeous, but it was fun to see the dramatic contrast when illuminated.
For those interesting in attending, the event will continue on through November to take advantage of fall’s early sunset, but the experience will be different June – September as full darkness doesn’t come until late evening. (I personally enjoyed touring around wine in hand as day melted into night, getting to see the sculptures from both a light and dark perspective.)
The number for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255.
It is suggested to us a million times a day that our BODIES are PROJECTS. They aren’t. Our lives are. Our spirituality is. Our relationships are. Our work is.
Stop spending all day obsessing, cursing, perfecting your body like it’s all you’ve got to offer the world. Your body is not your art, it’s your paintbrush. Whether your paintbrush is a tall paintbrush or a thin paintbrush or a stocky paintbrush or a scratched up paintbrush is completely irrelevant. What is relevant is that YOU HAVE A PAINTBRUSH which can be used to transfer your insides onto the canvas of your life — where others can see it and be inspired and comforted by it."
I’ve been struggling with body image. Feeling comfortable in my own skin. And in my clothes.
And it’s a damn shame because there is nothing wrong with my body.
I am old enough and certainly smart enough to know better than to fall prey to the airbrushed images lining magazines and catalogs. Knowing full well that many of the women with perfect figures I follow on Instagram earn their living as professional athletes and don’t sit behind a desk for eight plus hours a day thumbing through contracts.
Last summer, I went through some really ugly unmentionables and the only way I knew how to break through instead of break down was to lay down some miles. A lot of miles. Some around my neighborhood after work. On my mountain bike deep in the mountains. I ran myself ragged crisscrossing the county negotiating deals and keeping late hours in hotel rooms writing analytical papers about things like Amaranth deflating or energy elasticities. All in hopes that I could keep my poignant thoughts from consuming me. (I was wrong by the way)
And this other thing happened too.
I lost my appetite. I basically had to force myself to eat. So when I did, I chose the most nutritionally packed items I could get my hands on knowing I could get away with forcing myself to swallow less.
And as a result, I lost weight. Quite a bit of it.
And wow did it feel good.
But as time passed, and little bits of my life and happiness came back to me, so did my weight.
For the first time in my life, I feel heavy.
It’s not rational. It’s not realistic. And it’s not something I feel good giving voice to. Especially here on my little corner of the internet where I want my words to be pretty and document all the amazing adventures in my life. But here I am. A successful, independent young woman with body image issues just trying to be real.
I think there is a misconception that body issues only affect certain women, but the truth of the matter is that Body image it is a constant battle whether you are a 2 or a 12.
I know in my heart of hearts that I have a lot great physical qualities to be thankful about, but the thing is I am sick of looking at myself in the mirror and nurturing that negative little voice that tells me I need to get on the treadmill. And I am tired of beating myself up for eating that cookie.
Today I am embracing the fact that I am a work in progress. I am working to change my mindset by encouraging myself to think about how beautiful other women’s bodies are. I am beating down the negative thoughts that enter my mind when I compare myself to them.
I am acknowledging how much more important it is to be strong than anything else, that starving yourself isn’t attainable or healthy. I am working towards resuming a clean diet and getting back into a running routine so I can hone that strength, both mentally and physically.
(Ugly Friday morning words which will be edited and revised numerous times I am sure.)