playing catch up.

following the color race, the new (+ much needed) neon pink lululemon sports-bra I invested in now more closely resembles pink + purple tie-dye. H is trying to convince me that it adds character like a battle wound. I on the other hand am devastated. c’est la vie, no?

i’ve also been sick for going on weeks. or what feels like months. after a complete round of antibiotics it’s still lingering. despite being unable to breathe, I managed to run essentially the entirety of the colorun. while this is no great feat, I felt as if I can just accomplished something big.

what this whole process is teaching me, rather painfully, is that I haven’t been honest with myself + done what I needed to do to keep myself healthy + strong. i’ve been much better at giving lip service to being gluten-free + taking a stab at paleo than I have with my follow-through. the bottom line is I can’t have it. i’m guilty of treating myself to a bowl of macaroni + cheese (my favorite!), or a helping of lemon ricotta pancakes at sunday brunch + writing it off as a small deviance from the norm. but truth be told it’s becoming the norm, + a small deviance is much more detrimental to my wellbeing that I care to admit.

the thing is, that if I am constantly eating it, I constantly feel bad, but I don’t really notice it in the day to day. when I obstain from eating gluten for any period of time + then break + eat something I shouldn’t, it really magnifies the issue.

there are periods of time where I am in full routine. I eat well + am constantly pushing myself to the gym or down the street. one little thing like being sick, or skipping a scheduled workout for a happy hour has the ability to throw me off track, + once that happens it’s really had to get going again.

H and I made a pledge to each other at saturday brunch. my promise was to kick gluten + sugar + make a commitment to really getting back into a workout routine.

yesterday I cheated with a big piece of cake with lots of frosting at a co-workers retirement party which through me into complete misery by the time I got home.

i’m tired of the skin irritation. the swelling. the pain. I am tired of being lethargic + drained + weak.

perhaps if I write about it enough + remind myself how important it is, I’ll have a little more willpower to get back to where I need to be.